“I feel safe, protected, and bored.”
Is excitement and monogamy a myth?
Think about a relationship that you adored. Think about the first time you and that person locked eyes and you knew that there was potential for something more. The first time you smiled at one another. The first time you kissed. For some, that is the best part of a relationship. Ever hear the sassy saying “don’t get too comfortable?” It has become a common saying amongst women and men as both the caution and end of a relationship.
Security and predictability is often masked as your partner “getting too comfortable.” For some couples, security may mean feeling understood through communication or physical intimacy. For others, it can present as financial security. The reality is that after time, if not intentionally done, couples become creatures of habit and their mannerisms become predictable.
Combatting the predictability in relationships was the brain child of my program Masterful Monogamy as most couples seem to struggle with this. Which also proposed another question, if a couple becomes “stuck” in the redundancy of patterns, how does a couple become “unstuck?” Here are 2 suggestions:
- Reflect on what you two did together in the beginning. How did you captivate each other? What sparked your interest? What sparked your partners? Once you figure that out, try to do an activity that’s along those lines. Examples work best for me. So, if you and your partner enjoyed going to new museums or plays. Taking that person to a theatre production or sporting event that they’ve never been to may be a good way to try to reconnect.
- Focus on getting to know your partner differently. I loved the metaphor – study your partner like a college class. Capitalize on things that you notice that he/she enjoys. This helps with two things: (a) it helps you get to know your partner more intimately and (b) it helps to guard your heart from possible distractions.
Relationships don’t have to be mundane – ever. They can evolve into something with greater emotional intensity and animalistic attraction than was there in the beginning.
“If you do what you did in the beginning, there will be no end.”
-Tony Robbins